God level🚀

2018

I came into this year thinking that just because it was a new year things would change. Things are always changing though and it doesn’t always have to be negative or positive changes. Basically I wanted a big change.. the change I was looking for was happiness, love [a person], PEACE OF MIND, strong spirituality, etc etc etc. the basic things. Most of all I wanted to be a blessing to other people so I started dedicating my every step to helping people. In the midst of doing so I forgot about me..

During the summer I was a loner and was never really around friends & hanging out like that. X died this summer and I was very sad. My life was kinda like a dark cloud. I realize maybe being home, spending my summer as a teenager in my house alone in my thoughts 24/7 was what was creating such a low frequency vibe. So I looked forward to moving back to school with the hopes of another big change just because of a change in location. I realized that when you pack all your things your problems are still attached to you and it’s spiritual baggage that you carry everywhere with you no matter how far you go.

The first few weeks were cool and I was enjoying being around my friends. Towards the end of the semester I started feeling like a lot of my friendships were one sided and nobody was truly down for me. Even my friends back home. When I feel like that I isolate myself and shit, I just don’t be feeling nobody at all. I still was reaching out to my friends because I hate for people to feel like I just left them hanging. On a school tip, I wasn’t doing so well in school and I was completely checked out, uninterested, mentally drained, and exhausted and it reflected in my work ethic therefore reflecting in my grades.

Now, December 27th, I feel completely detached from everybody around me including family. I don’t feel close to anyone because I’m not. I finally realized that the person I called my best friend didn’t want to be that for me anymore, the person I called myself “talking to” wasn’t dedicated to trying to grow as a couple, the energy was fake all around me and that’s what needed to change. I love my friends and family but they’re not who I need them to be but I’ll always be who they need me to be. I was holding onto relationships with people who weren’t applying themselves and gave up easily, leaving me to do the mending. Ultimately, draining myself to my breaking point. I’m going into the new year just changing my eating habits, focusing in on me, and maybe letting someone in and kicking it with them. Oh and back on my YouTube shit.

I had to reflect real quick on my year somehow and I felt like this was a cool way and maybe someone somewhere could relate.

Blessings, Mizani💙